Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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