I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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