I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
