eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
