Soap is not a condiment
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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