my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
