What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
