I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
