Where is the hickey?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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