I can tuck mytits in my pants
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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