kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
