Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
