Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
