How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
