he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
