You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
