Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
