we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
