thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
