he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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