You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
