I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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