So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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I just found puke in my bra..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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