I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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