i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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