shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
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I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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