there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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