please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
