i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
