next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
