Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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