i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
