Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
