I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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