farters have to be the big spoon...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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