Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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