woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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