i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
