i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
