Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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