I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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