someone threw a dead crab at me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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