I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
