I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
