Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i've created a new STD.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
