my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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