it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They took my balls.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
