Sry I called you an 8
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
