Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
