well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
