Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
