Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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