I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
