Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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