I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
