AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.