Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.