Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(208): View more from Idaho

He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do

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(970): View more from Colorado

he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I'll call you on my way home

(1-912): View more from Georgia

Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???

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