So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.