well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
