what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
