You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
