I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
