All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
