Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
