I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
