I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
