I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
