I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
