you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
