so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
