the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
