my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten