Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?

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  (512): HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter? http://tfl.nu/9l91
  Replies (22) Good night (653) Bad night (2495)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.

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  (785): Mines from giving head on hardwood floors. http://tfl.nu/x8b4
  Replies (25) Good night (3317) Bad night (976)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??

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  (905): I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet?? http://tfl.nu/qgms
  Replies (145) Good night (2482) Bad night (8644)
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  (925): View more from California

  I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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  (925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5
  Replies (48) Good night (1480) Bad night (5411)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

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  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8506) Bad night (1791)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

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  (807): he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants http://tfl.nu/ed98
  Replies (12) Good night (1882) Bad night (5838)
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  (805): View more from California

  Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke

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  (805): Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke http://tfl.nu/mqiv
  Replies (35) Good night (1066) Bad night (8044)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights

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  (812): woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights http://tfl.nu/5oxk
  Replies (16) Good night (1195) Bad night (2844)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.

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  (248): This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once. http://tfl.nu/vt1p
  Replies (7) Good night (1203) Bad night (2574)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?

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  (705): We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL? http://tfl.nu/ejsn
  Replies (12) Good night (2957) Bad night (777)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?

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  (717): sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that? http://tfl.nu/vb27
  Replies (34) Good night (789) Bad night (2816)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (800) Bad night (1293)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  This was the best text I've ever woken up to

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  (734): I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck. (313): This was the best text I've ever woken up to http://tfl.nu/32h8
  Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (368)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.

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  (804): Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal. http://tfl.nu/5gs5
  Replies (5) Good night (912) Bad night (325)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.

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  (941): Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/uoo2
  Replies (2) Good night (252) Bad night (650)

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