I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk