I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts