and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!