Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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  (508): she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/5spj
  Replies (9) Good night (857) Bad night (2099)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.

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  (610): I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date. http://tfl.nu/jj8c
  Replies (50) Good night (1090) Bad night (9860)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

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  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (9518) Bad night (1411)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12746) Bad night (1756)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

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  (617): it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina. http://tfl.nu/7xv1
  Replies (14) Good night (1316) Bad night (4403)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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  (303): This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now. http://tfl.nu/jc3w
  Replies (25) Good night (1451) Bad night (5115)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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  (514): I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case. http://tfl.nu/sce4
  Replies (5) Good night (1227) Bad night (4081)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."

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  (561): And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips." http://tfl.nu/kfac
  Replies (6) Good night (2541) Bad night (1265)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

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  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12933) Bad night (1110)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.

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  (256): I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him. http://tfl.nu/7zd5
  Replies (23) Good night (1226) Bad night (5812)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?

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  (978): Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th? http://tfl.nu/27j9
  Replies (12) Good night (3359) Bad night (862)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

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  (563): Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out. http://tfl.nu/o8je
  Replies (4) Good night (1652) Bad night (628)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!

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  (956): WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?! http://tfl.nu/nv7y
  Replies (12) Good night (1876) Bad night (670)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend

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  (816): Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend http://tfl.nu/q3y8
  Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (325)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?

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  (+44): are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper? http://tfl.nu/40vp
  Replies (3) Good night (896) Bad night (331)

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