and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno