im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby