I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
